Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
