I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
