but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
