he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
