Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
