I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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