dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
