No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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