I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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