sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
