Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
