..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
