Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You took a bar mat shot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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