nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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