I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
