the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
