belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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