he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
