he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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