Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think your dad took our porno
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
