how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
