i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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