What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
