Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
