Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
