Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
