So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
