i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize