Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
