Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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