Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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