Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
