It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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