You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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