dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
