i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
