the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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