I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Houston, we have a squirter
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
