I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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