I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
