I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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