Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
