Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
