I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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