I'm really into asian looking animals
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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