Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
