im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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