laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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