and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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