Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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