i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
