he wants to bone in the snuggie
the condom got lost in my hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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