I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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