all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
