Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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