Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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