even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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