Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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