we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
