i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize