he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize