there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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