Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
