I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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