New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
