if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
