So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
