yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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