I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
