Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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