Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
