So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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