I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
