i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
