i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
