The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
