I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
