Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
